The call of the ocean
I was in my 30s when I was first called by the ocean.
A vast expanse, nothing on the horizon. The purest expression of freedom, in space and time.
It seems I'll never have my full blown experience with the ocean in this life.
I had brief encounters from the coastline, when sailing dinghies or when I was on rescue boats.
I liked it when it was smooth sailing. I was a bit scared when it was choppy waters, even in the rescue boat. I had my fair share of capsizes. I liked it all.
The sea isn't here to kill us. As a species we have a long positive history with the sea. My confidence in the sea grew with my experiences.
Right now, I don't feel physically confident enough to take on this kind of adventure. It may come again. No pressure.
There are many other vast expanses without stuff on the horizon.
All the places we haven't first hand experience of are just like oceans: vast and without stuff to aim for on the horizon. I am drawn there for the promise of the discovery, and possibly some new people, new ideas, new things to learn from.
I am drawn there, even as I have happiness in myself, and just met someone with whom we share happiness on many more levels I ever experienced. (Thank you Mr. Eckhart Tölle to put that duality in happiness straight for me. Thank you Eric for your phone call early 2020.)
I trust this relationship won't suffer from these voyages I intend to do Eastward. I believe it might even bond us much further. Time will tell. I will learn. Leaving scares me a little bit. Many things to lose. Obviously. But not going would be to lose myself, and by losing myself I would lose all the rest in cascade. So, it is better to take that risk, even if it looks big right now.
Yesterday I looked at the requirements to cross the border, and I have taken steps to get my EU passport shipped from the place I left it. I do talk openly about it.